Recently, I had an experience that made me want to go full-claws-out. It was in setting boundaries at work – which got pushback from my coworkers. It was a simple request: Could they please leave my classroom after meetings, rather than socializing afterwards? I had brought it up in a self-effacing way, joking that I didn’t want to be too anti-social, but I would really appreciate it.
Everyone seemed to be okay with the idea. Smiles, laughter, and assurances that they were sure that I wasn’t the only person to wish that.
But then, when the meetings were held in my room, people stayed afterward. Chatting. In conversations that I was obviously not included in.
Personally, I feel like that’s rude. But pointing that out wouldn’t help.
Now, I believe in setting boundaries at work. But I also believe in doing it in a nice manner.
So I asked for there to be a reminder given to the group. I expected it to come up in the meeting – it was not. Instead, there were snarky responses by several teachers of, “Remember, take your conversations to the hallway.”
The tone raised my hackles. The passive-aggressive attitude told me that they had been making snarky comments behind my back. I wanted to fire back.
For just setting a boundary, as kindly as I could manage.
So, here’s what I did. I didn’t respond right then. Nothing good would come from an emotional response.
Then I pondered, running through different possible responses in my head. I considered confronting them about their attitude. I considered talking to one of the others that I held some trust for, to see what her read on the situation was. I considered talking to the lead of the group, to see what happened when he brought it up.
And I suddenly realized: I didn’t need to do anything. Because you know what? If this was how they handled boundaries, I didn’t want them as friends. I didn’t want to spend more time with them .They are coworkers, and that is all.
Of course, I should acknowledge that this peace of mind comes with a safety net: I trust my administration, my bosses. I trust them to not let drama or pettiness be used against me. If my boss was part of the drama, then I wouldn’t have the luxury to make this decision. But I do trust them. Not everyone has that type of safety net.
And so I was able to let it go and do nothing. And you know what?
I’m so much happier for it. I am no longer frustrated and worried about their responses. It doesn’t matter to me.
Going forward, I’m going to be pleasant to them – but setting boundaries at work sometimes means accepting that not every coworker is meant to be a friend. They are not my friends.
And that’s okay.
Leave a Reply